Sandra Bond, you have taught me too well. This is ritual desecration of
Nick Parish's latest, greatest drinking song. Follow the bouncing ball, now:

                          NICK PARISH EDITS A SUBZINE
        (To the tune of "John Kettley is a weatherman", by A Tribe of Toffs)

Richard Sharp mutilates carp,
Jeremy Tullett's made of bullets,
David Oya left his mind in the foyer,
Nick Parish... Nick Parish... Nick Parish... edits a subzine!

Chorus:         Nick Parish edits a subzine,
                does a subzine, does a subzine.
                Nick Parish edits a subzine,
                and so does Nice Guy Reusch.

Speccy Duncan's always drunken,
That James Hardy should be lardy,
Peter Birks played Captain Kirk,
Nick Parish... Nick Parish... Nick Parish... edits a subzine!

chorus

Alan Parr's made of guitars,
Paul Cockayne, he is the same,
Chris-and-Brenda Palm, they mean no harm,
Nick Parish... Nick Parish... Nick Parish... edits a subzine!

chorus

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. David Newnham and his amazing NMR solo!
<instrumental break>

Nick Parish... Nick Parish... Nick Parish... edits a subzine!

chorus

(I hope Nick Parish likes this song.)

Martin Bates's face deflates,
Daniel Lester eats investors,
Andrew Huddo drinks ten pints at a go,
Nick Parish... Nick Parish... Nick Parish... edits a subzine!

chorus

You know Mark Stretch? He makes me retch,
Of Sandra Bond, I'm very fond,
Turbo Nick has got no NECK!
Nick Parish... Nick Parish... Nick Parish... edits a subzine!

chorus

<faster>        Nick Parish edits a subzine,
                does a subzine, does a subzine.
                Nick Parish edits a subzine,
                and so does Nice Guy Reusch.
                And so does John Colledge!
                And... so... does... Chris... M.... Dickson............
                And so doesn't Simon Hornby.

[It was discussed for a time whether this song should get its first - and only,
hopefully - rendition at the DipSoc Curry after OxCon, but, probably due to a
conspiracy between all that is Good and Pure in this world, no such song was sung.]